Computers are great.  Many children with autism love using them.  This is good news!  Computers are great learning tools: they don’t make social demands, they are predictable, they don’t get distracted, they don’t get bored…  I’m sure you can think of more advantages that computers have over humans, but let’s stop there.  There are many things that computers can’t teach of course, but for those things that computers are good at teaching, let’s make use of them.

If your child can already use a mouse that’s great, and in other posts I’ll suggest some programs that may be helpful.  However, for now I want to tackle the first problem that many parents and teachers come across, which is …

“How do I teach my child to move the mouse?”

It may seem natural and obvious to move the mouse to make the cursor move.  However, whenever I watch young children learning to use a mouse, they do not immediately move it – instead they click it, or they play with the scroll wheel.  When they do move it, it is often by accident, or else it will be to pick it up – and they almost certainly are not looking at the screen when they are moving it.

If you have tried and failed to teach your child to use the mouse, you will understand just how frustrating this is!  As a teacher I have taught many autistic children to use a mouse - it can still be a little frustrating at times, but thanks to a fabulous program I came across a few years ago, it is much less so.

I recommend you have a look at “Moles” by a company called Resource Education.  They even give you instant download and a 14 day free trial.

Here’s the link: http://www.resourcekt.co.uk/moleshtm/product.htm

I have not posted for the past few weeks because I’ve been a little busy.  Our second child, Emily, was born on the 15^th October and I went from being quite busy, to being busier than I can ever remember!  Obviously our new-born daughter has needed lots of attention (and has done her best to time her needs for attention to coincide with those moments during the night when we are most tired), but so has our 2 year old son Sam.  In fact, it is only now that we have a second child to care for that we realise just how much time and attention Sam needs.

The past couple of weeks have been a bit of a blur, but one clear thought that I have had was this: if it is this hard for me and my wife to cope with a new baby when we have a regular, run-of-the-mill, active 2 year old, how much harder it must be for the parents of new babies who have an autistic child already!  I thought of all the parents of the children I have worked with, and realised that most of them have had babies as well as managing to care for their autistic child.   Quite amazing.

I’ve always respected the resilience of parents of children with autism – since Emily’s birth, my respect has grown to an even deeper level!

I’m British – so when I need a quick well-being fix I drink tea.  Don’t know why it makes me feel better, it just does.  Perhaps it is the process of boiling the kettle, making the tea, adding the milk – it’s kind of comforting.  Having a biscuit (cookie) with it makes me feel even better.

If you’re not British, you probably have a harder time relating to this than my fellow Brits.  However, if I talk to you about eating chocolate and how that makes me feel better too – I guess that speaks to many more of you!

It’s a bit like that with autistic children.  Some things that they do to enhance their well-being most of us would understand – e.g. eating chocolate or ice-cream.  However,  there are some things than an autistic child may do to enhance their well-being that we may not understand, and often don’t accept (sometimes rightly so!).

Would you deny yourself of the many well-being fixes that you have throughout the day?  How would you feel if others denied you of them?  Would you feel any different if you were autistic?  Before you stop an autistic child from doing something not immediately dangerous, do think about how stopping them would affect their well-being.  I understand that you limit what your child does because of your concerns over their long-term interests, but don’t underestimate how important well-being enhancing activities are.  Think how you can give your child a better way of getting the results they want, rather than just stopping them from doing what makes them feel good.

If you disagree with me, try this exercise: walk up to someone you know who smokes and remove their cigarette every time they light up.  If you succeed you will almost certainly improve their long-term lung health, but what is the cost to their well-being in the meantime, not to mention the cost to your relationship?

Once in a while you come across something that really speaks to you.  This phrase “Interaction first, goal second” is one of those things for me.  I heard it on a lecture about the Son-Rise programme a long time ago, and whilst I questioned some of the content of that lecture, this phrase really got my attention.  In four words, it captured my basic philosophy around working with children with autism.  It is the reason why I am often able to connect with an autistic child when other people struggle to.  It is the reason why I enjoy my job so much and get the results that I do.  I would go so far as to say that when I am being consistent with it, things just work out better.  Sure, by focussing on some specific goals you can often getting faster progress in that particular area, but without putting the emphasis on building the relationship, it’s all a little pointless.
 

Funnily enough, I was having a rough time with my 2 year old, non-autistic, son recently and saw the poster on my classroom door.  Interaction first, goal second.  I smiled to myself – it was so obviously what was missing at home!  I had focussed so much on what my son should and should not be doing (bath-time and bed-time fights were just two areas!) that I had really forgotten what was important.  For the past week I have re-focussed on “interaction first, goal second” .  As a result, not only have I enjoyed being with him more, but he has also willingly had his bath every night, and gone to bed with much less fuss!
 

I know that with autistic children the whole process can take longer, but I believe that the process is still valid.  I have developed many great relationships with autistic children by focussing on interaction first.  The goals have always been easier to achieve when they play second fiddle to interaction.
 

Just to be clear, goals are important and you should have them.  They are just not nearly as important as developing the relationship.

If you have become a little over-focussed on goals recently and are becoming frustrated, or sense that something is missing, I urge you to re-prioritize “interaction first, goal second”.

Another challenge.  How did you do with the fizzy drink challenge?  If you did well with that one, this one may test you even more.

Taking the fizz out of a situation is great if you can do it.  However, some of our children are naturally very “fizzy” – they can become anxious about everything, and no matter how hard we try to create a low-arousal environment, we may never get them really calm.  So what then?

This next challenge may help.

Here’s the challenge – best to do this outside (it can get very messy – imagine the contents of the bottle of drink going all over the place and take appropriate preventative action).  Take a 2 litre bottle of sugar-free fizzy drink (do not shake it!), open it carefully.  Put in a few raisins, notice them dancing around in the drink.  There’s fizz there, but the raisins are not aggravating it – they’re just there dancing.

Now take a mentos mint (or several if you are outside and can make a big mess), drop into the bottle and stand clear.  The mentos mint aggravates the situation, creating lots of fizz and the result is a big mess.

Actually that was the easy bit.  Here’s the real challenge and what I want you to take away from this:

Some children with autism are naturally fizzy,
Do what you can to reduce the fizz (anxiety), then …
Be the raisin, not the mentos mint.

Dance, don’t cause an eruption.

This challenge is particularly aimed at teachers reading, but anyone can play.

Get an unopened bottle of fizzy drink, and think about an autistic child that you know.  

Knowing what your child finds difficult, make up a little story about his day before he gets to school, and with each challenge that he faces, give the bottle a good shake.

Confused?  I’ll give you an example, but I do want you to do the exercise with your own child afterwards.

Let’s say the child I’m thinking of is called Lee.  He is eight years old.  

Lee finds it very difficult to get to sleep at night, and last night finally falling asleep at 4am. 

Shake.  His mum tries to wake him up gently at 7am.  She tries again at 7.05.  Eventually at 7.10 she manages  to wake him up and tries to get him into a sitting position – Lee is not impressed and scratches his mum in frustration. 

Shake. Eventually Lee’s mum manages to get him dressed – although he refuses to put his school jumper on as it is not the one that he likes. 

Shake.  Lee wants ice-cream for breakfast, and refuses to eat anything else.  His mum is still trying to get him to eat some cereal when the school bus arrives.  He leaves the house without eating any breakfast. 

Shake.  Lee notices that this is not his usual bus and refuses to get on. 

Shake. After a few minutes of coaxing, they manage to get him on the bus, but he is now clearly anxious and making those little noises that he makes when he becomes anxious. 

Shake.  The bus ride calms him a little, but just before they get to school they have to take a diversion because the road ahead is blocked.  Lee makes more of his little noises, except now they have become louder and more high pitched.  Shake. 

The bus pulls up to the school and Lee rushes to get off the bus.  He goes straight into class, but instead of putting his coat and bag on his peg as he usually does, he is still wearing them.  Shake.

And then he comes across you.

Now it’s your turn. 

1.       Think about your child, and think about an occasion that he arrived at school (or home) more anxious than usual.  Make up a story about the start of his day before he gets to you – don’t worry how accurate it is, that’s really not the point.  Remember to shake the bottle after each frustrating event – give it a good shake!